Trying to Move On

I miss you so much...

Hey Look It Is A ...?

I still haven't decided what I want to make of this blog. I make no pretense of being consistently funny, so it's not like people will come here to be entertained. I also know that contrary to the way I think it should be, the events of my life are not particularly important to everyone else, who unfortunately have their own busy lives to worry about. So what do I do with this thing? I just made it because EL suggested the title and I enjoyed its punniness too much to let the name go to waste (I also registered 'whatshihsaid' as a screenname, even though I probably won't use it). I guess it'll just kind of be a random blog. If I feel like talking about a serious issue, or sharing a doodle, or (heaven forbid) spout some general emo-ness, I'll put it here, regardless.

So a friend of mine has been dealing with some relationship issues recently, and it got me to thinking of my own situation (or lack thereof). I consider myself pretty good at friendship in general, but relationships is something that confuses me and keeps me away. I think the main problem is that I just haven't spent enough time around girls to know whether I like them or even what I want in a person in general. Not to mention, just a few years ago I was overweight, sickly, wore clothes two sizes too large for me, had horrific facial acne, and was reaaaally really awkward, and I figured anyone decent enough to be nice to me had to be either a obsessive social worker or a goddess in disguise or something.

I've made significant effort to improve myself since -- I lost weight and consider myself fairly healthy, tried buying clothes that fit better, got rid of most of my facial blemishes, tried new things, and am making progress in the conversation department. I think that last part still needs the most work though, so that'll be another goal for this year, to add to "get a 3.5", "stop sleeping through classes/exams", "get aerials and b-twists", and others: "hang out more with people".

Yet I still haven't figured out a reliable way of figuring out if I like someone or not. Maybe I just don't have deep romantic attraction to people? I might be too paranoid for that... for now. And it's a bad thing to be attracted to someone who has a boyfriend already, yeah?

Uh-oh, I just triggered my emo-alarm. Time to do some handstand-pushups or similarly sufficiently non-emo activity until it starts leaving me, and then chat with people. I have plenty of friends who are more than happy to smack the emo out of me. Yay for friends.

Epic Fail

Here's a post to start off a new lunar year! I wonder if blogging is my back-up response if people aren't available to talk through stuff. A lot's been weighing on my mind recently. Some highlights:

Grades: This was supposed to be the quarter where I finally get all my acts together and emerge a newer, smarter Jon. I even set up my class schedule so that I could ease my transition into the brotherhood of smart people. Well, that goes to show you can't get rid of idiocy that fast, no matter how much you wish you could.

Co-op/Internships: I need one! Please! I'm still trying to sort out my 5-year plan, whether it ends up being co-op or BS/MS. My future still seems so uncertain, though, which bugs me.

Friends: I've been disappointed in a lot of people lately, myself included, but at the same time getting to know other people better. I'm partway in so many groups of people and trying to figure out where I belong is confusing me. This is especially tricky in the case of...

Housing for next year: Who am I living with? Why are other people so picky? Why am I so picky?

Family: I worry about my brothers maybe more than I worry about myself sometimes. I hope they don't resent me for being overbearing and hard to deal with at times. I figure I'll be one of those stressed-out Asian parents that push their kids to overachieve. Maybe it's because I wish I did get more discipline. That's no fault of my parents, though, that's me just not taking in what they had to teach me. Although, as a prerequisite to parenthood...

Relationships: Another year passed. Still a Zero. Someone'll show up in the end, I hope.

Well, I really shouldn't be up this late -- Celebrasia is today, and there'll be a lot of work to do! But I just finished downloading Enchanted...